Mini Skirt Colonel
by August08
Summary: Ed says just what he thinks about Roy Mustang. Based from Vic Mignogna's famous mini skirt line. No slash.


**A/N**: This came to me while I was watching the story behind Vic Mignogna's famous mini skirt line. I could see Ed doing something like this just to tick Mustang off.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own FMA or the mini skirt line.

* * *

It was another bright and sunny day in Central. Life had taken some form of normalcy, even though Scar was still at large.

"You can't really blame the military," Al said.

"Sure you can," Ed replied, turning the page in the daily newspaper. "If the military is so powerful why can't they take down one person?"

"Because that one person has already killed a number of soldiers," Al explained. "Why are you so hard on the military, Brother?"

Ed peeked over the top of the paper. "Because I can," he stated simply, then disappeared behind the paper again.

Alphonse sighed and looked down at the pile of empty plates that sat in front of his brother. Though Ed was a State Alchemist he couldn't stand the military. Especially Roy Mustang. Ed and Roy didn't get along at all. They spent more time fighting than getting work done. The silence was broken as Ed turned the page in the paper. He shook the paper to straighten it out and continued to read.

"So, Colonel Mustang is still aiming to be Furher, isn't he?" Al asked, trying to make conversation.

"I think that was his goal ever since joining the military," Edward answered flatly. "I think the only reason he wants to become Furher is so that he can change the military dress code. He just wants to see female officers in skirts." He shook the paper again. "Besides, he'll have to overthrow Bradley first."

"You don't think he can do it?" Al asked.

Ed put the paper down and looked at his little brother. "Al, why are you suddenly so interested in what Mustang's intentions are?" he wanted to know.

Al looked away. "I just wanted to talk. And the Colonel was the first thing that came to mind."

"I would've thought you would start talking about Scar or the Stone. Heck, you talking about the Homunculi would've been normal."

"It got you talking, didn't it?" Al asked.

Ed blinked and thought about it. He frowned, huffed and hid behind the paper once again. He was sure that his brother was smiling, even though there was no evidence to prove that he was. It was difficult to know when Al was smiling or frowning. Ed had to rely on his brother's tone of voice to determine if he was happy or sad. Though he couldn't stand Mustang, Ed was indebted to him for allowing himself and Al to have access to information that was otherwise confidential. If it wasn't for Mustang the Elrics probably wouldn't be as far as they were now.

Ed shook his head. No way was he getting sentimental. Just then, the waitress came up.

"Are you finished? Is there anything else I can get for you?" she asked.

"Just the check," Alphonse answered.

The girl nodded and walked away. A few minutes later she came back, handed Al the piece of paper and walked away. His eyes widened.

"This is awfully expensive, Brother."

The girl came back. "How would you like to pay?"

Ed looked up. An evil smirk crossed his lips. Al gulped.

"Do you have tabs here?" Ed asked.

"Yes," the girl replied.

"May I ask who you have tabs for?"

"Brother," Al started, but stopped when Ed held up his hand. He groaned.

"We have them for most of the military," the girl explained.

"Do you have one for Roy Mustang?"

The girl blinked in confusion. "Yes, but he has only eaten here a couple of times."

Ed folded the paper, the smirk growing into an evil grin. "Perfect. Just put it on Mustang's tab. He'll take care of everything."

And with that, he got up, thanked the girl and left the restaurant. Al also thanked the girl and hurried off after his brother. By the time he caught up, Ed was already halfway down the street.

"Edward Elric! What prank are you trying to pull?" Al yelled.

"Al, relax. That's what tabs are for," Ed explained, quite pleased with himself.

Al growled. "That's not funny, Brother. After all that the Colonel has done for us you go and do this to him."

Ed looked up at his metal brother. "Alphonse, I'm sure Mustang's paycheck can cover a tiny meal."

"Tiny? What you ate was _not_ tiny!" Al shouted, causing a few people to turn and look at them.

They passed by a clothing shop. Ed stopped and looked at the display. There was a display of different types of gloves.

"The Colonel's birthday is tomorrow," Al noted. "We should get him something."

"Like what?" Ed asked.

"Maybe another pair of gloves?" Al suggested.

"He has enough of those." Ed shoved his hands in his pockets.

His eyes drifted to the mannequins. Each one wore a different style of skirt. Ed couldn't help but grin.

"Brother, no," Al said.

"What?" Ed asked.

"Don't even think about it."

"How do you know what I was thinking about? I could have been picturing Winry in a skirt," Ed pointed out.

Al shook his head. Ed walked away.

"Come on. Let's head back."

The brothers headed back to Central Command.

* * *

When the Elrics walked into Central Command, they were met by Fuery.

"Ed! Just the person I wanted to see," he said.

"What can I do for you?" Ed asked.

"As you know, the Colonel's birthday is tomorrow and I'm giving him a tape of everyone saying what they think of him," Fuery explained.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Al inquired.

"You know they'll just lie through their teeth," Ed added.

"It's harmless fun," Fuery encouraged them. And before any of the Elrics could say anything else, Fuery shoved a tape recorder in Ed's face. "So, Edward, what do you think of Colonel Mustang?" he asked.

Ed was silent for a few moments, not knowing what to do. What could he say about someone who he didn't like? He then remembered something that Havoc had told him about Mustang and he had mentioned it to Al just a few minutes ago. It was something along the lines of when he became Furher, Roy would change the dress code so that all female officers would have to wear mini skirts. Another evil grin crossed Ed's face.

"Oh no," Al said.

Ed closed his eyes, stood as straight as he could and took a deep breath. "Colonel Mustang is dead sexy," he announced.

Al and Fuery stared at him. Had Fullmetal finally lost his mind? Ed opened his eyes, the grin still on his face.

"In a mini skirt," he finished.

And with that, he walked off. Fuery and Al looked at each other then down at the recorder. The light was flashing, indicating that what Ed had just said was now on the device.

"Oh, Fuery," Ed called. "You just gave me an idea for a birthday present for Mustang. Thanks."

* * *

"Brother, I don't think this is such a good idea," Al said.

Ed walked down the hall, headed for Mustang's office. A box was tucked under his right arm and the mischievous grin was back on his face.

"Why? I think the Colonel will like it," Ed answered.

The brothers walked into Mustang's office. Roy looked up from his paperwork when they entered.

"Hello, Colonel," Al greeted. "Happy birthday."

"We just came to drop something off and then we'll be on our way," Ed explained.

He went over to the desk, placed the box on the desk and headed out the door.

"Happy birthday," he said.

The door closed. Roy looked at the box with suspicion.

"Well? Aren't you going to open it?" Hawkeye asked.

Roy laid down the pen and picked up the present. He tore off the paper and opened the box. Inside lay a piece of clothing in the military colors. Mustang picked it up, only to have it fall out, revealing it to be a mini skirt. Hawkeye blinked a couple of times, then her lips began to twitch into a smile. Roy glared up at her. Hawkeye covered her mouth as she began to giggle.

"I'm sorry, Colonel," she apologized.

However, she couldn't stop chuckling. It was then that Havoc and Fuery decided to walk in. Upon seeing the skirt, both men burst out laughing, which made Hawkeye also burst out laughing. Roy glared daggers at them.

"You two wouldn't have anything to do with this, would you?" he asked.

Fuery walked over and placed the tape recorder on the desk. Roy picked it up and pressed "play".

"Colonel Mustang is dead sexy," Ed's voice rang through the office. "In a mini skirt."

Roy turned the recorder off. The Elrics were only halfway down the hall when they heard Mustang yelling.

"Elric!"

* * *

What do you think?


End file.
